My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
May the power of my ass compel you!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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