when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
