i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
