Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
