There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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