so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
