im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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