forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
