I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
