Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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