There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
