You made me cry and you don't even care
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
