Cold hands, warm shart.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
