Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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