I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
