just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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