woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i love accidental penises.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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