i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
