I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Randomize
