the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
