i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
