Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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