I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
