i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
