The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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