If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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