Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
