I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
