Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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