i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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