Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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