I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
