This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
