just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
