maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is Oprah even human
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
