Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's on the porch naked. Help.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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