So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
