I am puke
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize