I think im going to throw up on grandma
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
