I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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