Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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