Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
