hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
