Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
