Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
