he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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