Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
