so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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