I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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