Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
