I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
