In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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