I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize