So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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