as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize