Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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