I am puke
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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