There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
