i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
