my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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