I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
