All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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