Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
