He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she peed on how many people?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
