my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
