Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Blood and glitter go together right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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